Thursday, May 30, 2013

Break ups??? Whose fault is it???

I decided that my first blog should be about break ups, and we won't limit this to just romantic relationships. It's no secret that most relationships end at some point and we are left aghast. I googled break up songs and got 250 million results. Some results had 20 songs listed. I googled who's responsible for breakups and got millions more results,  most are suggestions of what one party or the other should do to avoid such a calamity.

What I did not see, was an article that says both parties are responsible. No one entity takes all the blame in any ended relationship. Now true enough some of the reasoning may be far fetched to most people with a normal brain, but as we are coming to learn, normal is relative. But we have to consider that everyone has a part to play in the demise. It's not just one injured party or the first to tell the story.

So the question is, what is it that you take from your break ups? Do you just blame the person who you ended the relationship with? Do you accept any part of the blame for the end? Is it all your fault? 

Truly told, many people do not even begin to ask themselves these questions. They just lay blame and play victim. They commiserate with their friends and no one has the nerve to ask them or tell them when and if they were wrong during the entire relationship. So they are left with the delusion that they were perfect in the relationship. Faultless. And everything they did was the right thing to do. 

Why is it so hard to see that this way of thinking impedes forward progress and potential growth of the individual? To put it mildly, you spoil them. Spoil them into thinking that they are righteous in their indignation. That it's okay for them to act like brats. And as compatriots we commiserate right along with them. Giving them the gentle goading into a fit of animated rage and they go fuming  through the bowels of Hades on a mission to make the other party's life miserable. 

So who's fault is it? Who's responsible for the break up? Well the answer is simple. All the people in your life who refuse to tell you the truth about the situation. The people who take your side and not try to be objective. That's what friends are supposed to do. Be honest with you. Be objective. Tell you when the problem is really you. Because no one really tells the truth, people never learn a lesson or to see themselves as wrong. 

When did we stop being honest with people? When did human sensabilities become so fragile that they cannot accept that we all have faults? Why do we have to make it easier for them to remain the same and do not allow them to grow? What kind of friend do you consider yourself to be? Are you the type to encourage growth or encourage foolishness? How important is it to you that the people around you grow and develop?

We have to stop feeding people lies and help them to understand their wrongdoings and expect them to do the same for us. None of us are perfect, but we can't get better being pacified with nonsense. Do your friends a favor, tell them the truth. Not every once in a while, but all the time. Let them know that you really are looking out for them by being that one person that tells them not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear, THE TRUTH. 

Just Mike!




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